FemEd.

Eggeh Sowe, 18

I was circumcised in infancy, so I do not remember anything about the day. But when I think about it, I’m so angry with my mother. Why did she do this to me? She said that it is a tradition and that it must be protected, but today I know about all the consequences that the procedure can have. I have infections myself, I feel pain when urinating. I think if it were not for circumcision, I would be healthy now.

I haven’t thought about marriage yet. First, I want to study and become a doctor. From my girlfriends I have heard that they experienced pain with sexual contact, but I’m not afraid of a relationship with my future husband, I believe that everything will be fine. They say the main thing is to love. Although I have not fallen in love yet. At school, we were told a lot about the threat of circumcision and I’m very glad that the operation was banned. I think it will become a thing of the past. I have not heard of someone breaking the ban and conducting the ritual secretly. I think today everyone understands that this is bad.

Fatou Bojang, 52

I do not have any memories of my own circumcision, it happened when I was an infant. It’s a tradition, my mother did exactly the same as all the other parents. I think it’s good that it happened when I was very young. They say that the older you become, the more painful it is. Later, other women taught me to perform the operation myself and from the age of seventeen I was circumcising the girls. Over the years, I became a real professional, trusted and people were not afraid to bring their children to me, because they knew that I was doing it well. In my practice, there were no cases of complications after surgery.

A year ago, when the operation was banned, I had to hand in all my tools and forget about it forever. I’m sorry that this law was passed. I believe that we must preserve our traditions. And what’s wrong with it? If the hands are good, there will be no complications. And as for sexuality, I think that for a woman, first of all, the mental pleasure, the realization that she lives in a family, with her husband is important. Physical pleasure is absolutely unimportant.

Yaam, 22

My dad is an OB/GYN. He is the first person who taught me about the dangers and complications of FGM, but that was before I knew I had been mutilated.

It happened to me when I was an infant, and I didn't know I was a victim until the day I saw them do it to my sister. We were spending the summer holiday with my aunt in The Gambia. I was 10, and my sister was only 4. My aunt came to pick us up, which seemed normal. But when they took us to a house away from the village, I knew what they were going to do. I begged and pleaded with them to stop. I threatened to tell my father. I kicked and hit them. But the women, including my aunt, just laughed at me and called me a "silly child."

I couldn't see my sister's face because my view of her was blocked by one of the women, but I remember her blood-curdling scream and her calling out my name to help her. I felt so helpless because I couldn't do anything for her because the women were holding me down. It felt like it was happening to me. That was the first time I knew that's what I had been through. No one ever told me. It was like experiencing the trauma for myself as well as for my sister. I was devastated. She was taken back to my aunt's house while she was still bleeding, and all I could do then was just hold her hand and cry with her and pray in my heart that she would not bleed to death.

My sisters and I don't ever commiserate about what happened to us because I guess we are all trying to repress the horrible memories of it. My father never wanted this for us, which is why they would always wait for him to be out of town for work before they'd take us. I heard from a relative that when my older sister and I were taken, my dad and uncle tried to press charges against the family members who did it. But instead, they had a community meeting and settled on, "What's done is done." I hope that some day soon, I will be able to talk to my dad about what happened to me without causing any trouble.

I only once talked to my mother about it, but that was when my younger sister was "stolen" by my aunt. At first, my mother was not aware of my aunt's plans, but once I told her what had happened, she hushed me up because she was scared of what my dad would do if he found out. So she spoke to my aunt about it and they buried it. There's a term in Gambian, "maslaha," which roughly translates to "too compromising or too lenient." My mother didn't want this for my younger sister, but it's like she threw her hands up, defenseless. She's the youngest in her family, and in our culture, you listen to your elders, no questions asked.

At first I was really angry that they dared brutalize us like that without even so much as consulting us on the matter. But later, I realized in their own ways and thinking, they truly believed they were doing us good and making us "proud custodians of our culture," and it was their version of doling out some tough love. So it is a much deeper problem than most people think.

I called my sister a few days ago to tell her I was sharing our stories. At first she was shocked and I think a bit embarrassed, but after explaining to her why I was doing it, she agreed with me that it was a necessary evil, so to speak. Talking about it every time is like reliving the trauma. But if it will save just two girls, it's worth it.

Sainabou Bah, 19

I was circumcised when I was nine years old. And although I knew in advance from my older sisters that it would happen to me, how and when it would happen, was kept a secret. The ceremony was held in our house, there were a few more girls as well as me. From the outside it all looked like a festival, there were dances, drum rhythms and very tasty food. Then, one by one, they began to take us away. I will never forget the pain. Several days after the circumcision, I lay down. I remember that I was given some ampoules and constantly wrapped around my waist was a ‘belt of wet leaves,’ which was to relieve my pain. I was lucky that I managed to avoid infections and complications.

Later, my mother tried to explain what was done to me: “This is a tradition, respect for the family and for oneself, this is our culture.” Today I’m happy that this tradition has finally been banned. It is very painful and I would not wish this on anyone.

Lesha, 21

I was born in the U.S. and was living here, so I was sent to Guinea for summer vacation. I didn't know it was going to happen, and I was never warned. It felt like the biggest betrayal and deceit. But I remember the physical pain better.

I went to Africa to learn about my identity just to end up being scarred for life. I didn't realize FGM was a part of my identity, and to this day that's what hurts the most.

I was mutilated along with my baby sister. She was 9, and I was 11. After the circumcision, I don't know what happened exactly, but she died. What I remember is she was blamed for not taking their herbs and everything they were doing to help her, which never included taking her to a doctor. She was blamed for not surviving, and I was praised for taking it well. She was my best friend. We shared a room. We used to play with our dolls and have tea parties together. She was gone, and they blamed her for it. When we came back, no one asked about what happened to her. No one asked why she was just no longer there. I was told to forget it, like it never happened.

After the ritual, I was placed in a room with other girls, and men were not allowed to see us. I remember not seeing my family for days — I can't remember exactly how long. When I finally returned to the U.S. and saw my family, they were happy and proud. I was finally a woman. Pure.

Sex is painful, and I hate, hate, hate it. I hate being touched. It feels like rape every time. I cry inside, I cry out loud, and my husband does not care. It does not hurt him. I had Type-3 FGM, and I was reopened after we were married.

My husband will kill me if he ever finds out that I spoke out against FGM and my parents will back him up. But I know that my story needs to be heard. When someone speaks out about FGM, the whole community turns against them. Plus, we have no protection. No one understands what I go through or what it means.

My hope is for survivors of FGM to have a safe place to go to without being judged. I also want a reconstructive surgery not just for me but for everyone like me. To the doctors reading this, please consider offering free surgeries for women like me. It would change our lives. And I hope the government takes action and raises awareness like they should. I don't think I can talk about this again, but I hope others speak up.

Connection

How can we help prevent FGM?

Life in USA

Life in Kenya

Life in Somalia

FGM Survivor Stories

Sources: